United Kingdom
by QTXAdsy
Summary: Join Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland in their mis-adventures with the other nations. Though they maybe quite stupid, they are proudly the 'United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland'. Slight AU, OOC and pairings included later on.
1. Meet The Family

**Hey folks, here I enter into new territory for me. Here i'am about to enter the dangerous world what everyone knows by the name of Hetalia. What ever that name is suppose to mean I have no idea. Now the idea of making this story was kinda done as a bet as I know nothing about the show other from the fact that it is based on antho-countires and is a stamping ground for many crazy-ass Yaoi fans. So yeah, this is going to be quite an awkward experience for me if I continue to write this damn fanfic.**

**Now before I start anything, I have a few things to say that make this fic slightly AU-ish. In the canon notes, Wales is said to be a a boy, but will be a girl in this fic as imo, i think Wales would be better fitted to that role, however I will use the canon notes that Ireland will be a girl. Some other characters appearing will maybe slightly OOC as I have watched very little of the show and other characters will be fem! though I won't say who will be, you'll find out later...**

**However, the biggest change in the story will be that England will be the oldest of the family. Now I know that Scotland is said to the be the oldest, but Scotland came just slightly after England was formed as countries. Just hope you can get your head around that and don't kill me for it. **

**So I hope you enjoy this and don't shoot me down due to my lack of knowledge with the show, on you go... **

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

**Meet the Family**

It just started to get dark by the time England returned home from his local bank to try and get him and his family out of some current financial problems that the other nations were all going through. Like all the other nations, he had to sort out all these problems himself, but unlike the others, he had siblings who could easily help him out if they all just simply worked together, though for the Kirkland's, that seemed almost alien to them all.

He had really thought about if any of his brothers and sister would want to have a go of representing the United Kingdom of Great Britain, though that was what he thought about years ago. The truth was that each of them did not have the manners England would have; last time they all went together was some years ago, which ended in a drunken brawl with the Nordics after a small _'misunderstanding'_…

Walking up the path to the door of the Kirkland house, England let out a dishearten sigh. He felt lonely doing all the work himself, why did he had to have family members who would be lazy to their big brother, shouldn't it always have been the other way round? Well in the UK family, this family was a big change to that rule. Opening the door, the oldest family member could hear the rest in the main room having a debate, and by the sound of things, another argument.

"_Not again,"_ England thought crossly to himself, arguments seemed almost common and would happen at least once a day for any reason that would in hindsight be all rather pointless and very stupid indeed. Poking his head out through the doorframe, he could see his three younger siblings, mostly between Wales and Scotland, over something at the dinner table. Northern Ireland seemed to be trying to calm the whole thing down, alas not succeeding.

"Jist coz it was a close a body doesn't pure techt ye can say Ah tint!" Scotland argued angrily with his sister, his bottom lip curled in a menacing snarl.

"_I _lost?" Wales retorted angrily placing her hands on her hips, "Your monster lost her guard and I won it!"

"Oh shut it you bunch of tarts!" England snapped at them, all getting their attention at once looking at him. "Bloody hell, I've seen toddlers behave better than you lot! Just what's going on here?"

At once, each member tried to tell his or her part of what was going on with the situation. As each voice clashed with each other, England face palmed at the whole thing, thinking that this was one of the many reason he would never invite any of them with him, as they could never agree on one thing.

"One at a time please!" shouted the older Kirkland member above the rest of his crackpot brothers and sister. Finally once again, they went silent. "Scotland, what's going on?" Asked England as he turned to look at his slightly taller brother.

Despite being the third oldest of the family, Scotland did managed to be an inch or two taller than his older brother, always something that would always annoy to England to no end. Scotland had dull green eyes and very dark red hair that went down to his shoulders, and was not as bright red as many would incline to think at first. His outfit was pretty much like England's, the only difference being that it was a beige colour. Of course everyone would think that all that Scotland would have for trousers would be a kilt. True, but at times he would normally wear trousers as casual gear, the blue tartan coloured kilt was now being used for such things as meetings, events or special occasions.

Scotland and England had always been rival brothers from such a young age, though it is unknown who caused it all to happen. Some say that England, as a youngster, would beat up his then baby brother that seemed to scar Scotland for life, though some pointed fingers at Scotland saying that he was bit of a brat as a kid and would want to break away from his family and that England would be, unfortunately, his main target most of the time. Scotland to this day had always referred to England as 'The Auld Enemy'. However, both have said that none of those stories are true and that nobody, apart from those in the family, knows the real truth of how it is.

"Alrecht 'en, i'll teel ye," the taller brother said rubbing his hands together with a smug look on his face. "Me an' Wales waur havin' a wee battle wi' 'er red dragon an' mah ain Loch Ness Monster."

England groaned quietly, whenever Scotland and Wales had any disagreement, they would settle it with their 'monsters'. Much like how England could see fairies and Unicorns, his siblings were all the same. Scotland said he could see his monster Nessie, and Wales would claim to have a Red Dragon that she loved so much that she had used it on her official flag. Scotland had claimed quite bizarrely that Nessie lived in the pond in the backyard (which Scotland had nick named it Loch Ness), however no one had ever quite seen it apart from Scotland...oh yes, shows how crackpot the family is.

"…What happened then?" England sighed waiting to hear Scotland's version of the story.

"Weel quite simply nessie managed tae pin doon 'er dragon," Scotland replied, "Nessie was th' winner aff th' match, but 'en th' bastard dragon struck back tryin' tae make a comeback, an' noo Wales is sayin' she was th' winner!"

"Liar!" Wales shouted out at the Scotsman from across the table. "It was just a close one! My Dragon—"

"—Cheated," Scotland interrupted turning his head back at his older sister.

England knew that tonight was going to be a long night with all the arguing going on. This was a main reason why he never brought them with him to any meetings, as they could never agree on anything basic.

"Alright then, Wales," England sighed turning to look at the Welsh woman, "You say that you are the winner of the match?"

"Indeed I' am!" Wales replied smugly.

Wales' appearance was one that would make all boys drop to their knees. Wales was basically a female version of England, had long blond hair but blue eyes. Despite being the second oldest of the family, she was the smartest out of the whole family and not to mention to be the best cook out of them too. It is known that Scotland and England are the worst cooks in the world and often argue who is the better cook. Wales' normal dress attire was both a blue jacket and a skirt that went down to her knees. She was a beauty to behold in the family, so much so that other nations had personally asked England if they could ask for her hand in marriage to unified with them. This annoyed England greatly, not that they were asking for this all time, but it was just that the Kirkland's needed her to cook for them that England kept this as a secret to all. When it came round talking about her dragon, she loved that beast so much that she had adopted him onto her national flag, though England never thought about putting the Dragon on the Union Jack, much to her chagrin as this made her be forgotten at times.

"Put a damn sock in it will ye?" Cried out Northern Ireland from the back, "Could you no just get along?" They family members turned their head to look at their younger sibling.

Northern Ireland as he is known to everyone else, but prefers to be called 'Ulster' as this is a nickname from his brothers and sister, though they only use this as saying his full name is a mouthful. Unlike the others in his family who were either blond or red haired, his hair was almost brunette, though he clamed it many times that it was a very dark red. Despite these claims, anyone looking at his hair from a distance thought he'd be lying. His normal outfit would be a long shelve white shirt and a pair of bland dungarees though he would dress up with a black jacket and wear a bowler hat, the real British gentleman he was. As the rest of the family saw strange things such as unicorns and monsters, Ulster's vision was so strange that even his own family members would gawked at him in disbelieve. He claimed to see a giant red hand of Ulster (hence the name) and, like Wales and her dragon, and used it on his flag. However his own flag was an unofficial one, as he did not have one, much to his own sadness at times. Even though he was the youngest, he was easily the most mature out of all of them and was an easy enough guy to get along with the other nations. Many stated saying that he should represent the UK when he got a bit older. Unlike his siblings who had all different personalities, Ulster took England's clothes ware, Scotland's slang talk (though not as much as Scotland) and Wales' laid-back attitude.

Though they all seemed different from one another, they all shared the same thing that made them all unique, the thick eyebrows. They also had another sister, though to them, the less said about her the better, as she was Scotland's twin sister.

As the night went on, the argument of who won came to nothing as they all went of to bed, each of the feeling a grudge against each other. No matter how much they hated each other's guts, family breakdowns and more, they all stuck together through the thick and thin. They are the Untied Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

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><p><strong>Mmm, shorter than what I expected, but I'm just starting off, in the next chapter, we shall see who is the other sister they have. Well if you know their history, you should probably know who. Stay around for next time...if I'm around by then...<strong>


	2. A Bitch Called Ireland

**Sorry I didn't get this one up, had a bit of a small glitch with that has been going on with my computer for the last few days now, nevertheless it has finally decided to work for once! Now this was suppose to be up about 2 days ago so I apologise before starting to talk about this chapter. In this chapter, the Kirkland's brat of a sister Ireland (no not Southern Ireland you dum-asses out there who think they know all the names of all the countries of the world) who comes to visit her crackpot family, well, only one of them to be fair.**

** This one was actually quite fun and easy to do which resulted this chapter to be written up in about 2-3 days. I must say that I did enjoy written Ireland's character, not to mention that I was only following (if what little) canon notes we have of her. Yes, that's right, Ireland's a _girl_, so if any of you crazy Yaoi fans were hoping for anything, well tough. Beware of this chapter though as it contains some very heavy Scottish/Irish slang that maybe hard to read, and they say it is hard trying to understand what Scottish folk try to say!**

**So without further ado, let's welcome Ireland to party...  
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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

**A Bitch Called Ireland**

For anyone in any family, there is always one that is a black sheep in that family, and for the Kirkland's, it was no different for them. The UK siblings always tried to keep up appearances (well maybe just England to an extent) but even someone as scruffy as Scotland would have to agree to what his sister was like when it came to her appearance. No, not Wales, his _other_ sister...twin sister.

The sister in question was none other than Ireland, or 'Republic of Ireland' as her full name or even her name in Irish, 'Éire'. Everyone that knew her, practically the Kirkland's, knew that she was the sort of person you'd wish that never met her in the first place. She was a loud, brash, bitchy, sneaky and Irish beer (no beer or whiskey from either of her family siblings) was always something that she would put first on the line than her own damn family. Much like how Wales was a spitting image of England, Ireland was a spitting of her twin brother Scotland. In summery, Ireland was pretty much like Scotland inside and out right down to the same colour of red hair and eye colour with the only thing being different being her having freckles. Her normal idea for clothes was quite a tomboy look as she would wear green dungarees, black boots, a white and orange long shelve top, a dark green jacket and wore her trademark Irish hat. Much like how her family members could see strange vision such as animals and monsters, Ireland said she could she leprechauns and had based her outfit from them. While the two twins seemed similar in many ways, Ireland had something that Scotland would bang on about to no end, Independence. Though now her luck now seemed to have run out.

Since breaking away from her family, Ireland had enjoyed her own freedom, but with having an over blundering confidence much like Scotland, she had not took a careful look at her own money problems…

By now Ireland had now found herself in bankruptcy and was coming back to her family members for more money than ever, so much so that England had joke that to save her time that she rejoin them again, though this ended with England normally getting a black eye. Ireland _hated_ the United Kingdom. She found it just bringing her back horrible memories of her battle for independence; she had been in it before hand and was in all honesty, was quite a brat much like Scotland. Though she was proud of her freedom, she did think to old times…

When it came to her relationship's with her family members, saying that it was a rocky relationship with each of them was putting it bluntly to be fair and honest. England being the older brother had always annoyed her all the time from as far back when they were all younger. The thing that had turned her against him was the fact that he and the rest of the family had chosen to follow being Protestant while she on the other hand chose to follow Catholicism. Her relationship with Scotland was another relationship filled with rivalry. As they were both twins, had the same hair colour and had similar believes, they seemed to at first seem to be a pair that might get along, however that was never quite the truth. The twins had always tried to prove it to each other who was the better twin. And with Ireland now with her own independence, did that mean she had won after all this time? The truth may never be solved. When it came for Wales, their relationship was the friendliest out of them all. This mainly down to that they are the only girls in the family and would share girly stuff to each other...back when Ireland was still part of the family. Although Wales was one who'd try and make amends to damaged friendships, she had recently developed a grudge on the Irish woman, but that in itself is another story altogether. Finally there was Northern Ireland, and the less said about them the better.

Many would say that Scotland and England are fierce family members, but the problems with Ireland and Ulster was a completely different game completely. When Ireland became independent, she wanted Ulster to join her. Northern Ireland however refused to join her and wanted to say with England. For a long time afterwards, there was an uneasy tension between the two, then everything happened at once. For and long time afterwards, whenever they ever met, Ireland would beat up Ulster almost to a bloody pulp to get revenge on him after all these years. What scared Northern Ireland was when she started chanted 'Up the IRA! Up the IRA!' and so forth, mentally scarring the poor young man for life, he even had some vicious cut marks on his back to this very day. These events were know simply as 'The Troubles', and was one of the few times when Scotland, England and Wales would work together to help their younger brother. Eventually the brother and sister came to an agreement to stop this attacks on either end, though the two of them still have a long, rocky road to recovery.

Some days a month, she would visit her brothers and sister normally asking for more money to save herself from bankruptcy. However today was different than usual. No, it wasn't her coming to say sorry to the UK family, she was only coming to steal some of Scotland's new whisky that he'd been secretly been working on. Everyone would know of Scotland's great whisky exports and would praise him highly on it, though he never got paid by any of the other countries to make any new types, much to the Scotsman's chagrin. As Scotland was the only one in the house today, as England was out on one of his many meetings, Wales was up in a nearby valley to 'see how her Dragon was getting on' (don't ask) and Northern Ireland had gone down to the beach nearby their house for the day.

Walking up the pathway to the house, Ireland whistled an old Celtic song about, rather evilly, crushing Protestants showing her upmost hatred for them. The Irish woman pulled out a small bottle of cider from her pocket and drank it before knocking on the door. Downstairs in the basement lab dressed in white with a dirty grey apron on, Scotland rolled his eyes as he heard the knocking on the door.

"Whit noo?" Scotland grumbled as he walked upstairs to answer the door. Upon opening the front door, he was surprise to see his twin sister standing there in the doorway abet looking a little tipsy.

"Ah top av de mornin' Scotlan'!" Ireland said happily while placing the small bottle back into her jacket pocket.

"'Main 'en, what'd ye want Fenian foe?" Scotland insulted his Irish sister crossing his arms. Even though they both seemed to want to go their own ways, Scotland had developed in recent years a grudge against her for that fact that she had left Scotland behind when she went to go for independence.

Despite this insult, Ireland just let of a small sarcastic chuckle placing a hand on her hips. "Well if yer nice oi could've towl yer dat yer are in for sum luk the-day."

Scotland raised an eyebrow upon hearing this. "Och aye? Like whit?"

"Well let me in an' i'll show yer," the Irish woman replied as she shuffled pass Scotland and into the house. She then cleared her throat to tell him what was going on. "Well, whaen oi came over 'ere de last time, oi notice in yisser backyard dat dare wus a four leaf clover." She turned to look at him, "An' yer nu waaat dat means…"

The Scotsman's eyes widened as the whole thing dawned on him. Luck and money! Without saying anything to his twin sister, he barged her out of the way and down the corridor the backyard. What Scotland didn't know was that the whole thing had been a great scam and Ireland chuckled as she looked through the windows to see her brother on his hands and knees scouring through the grass to find the non-existing clover.

"_Eejit Scotsman,"_ Ireland thought to herself as she sneaked off down to the basement to find the new secret whisky.

Creeping downstairs, she entered the not-so mad lab. Before taking a small sample of the stuff, she paused to have a look around her. On one side on the room was a long table that Scotland would make his whisky on with various test tubes and things nearby. On the other side were about twenty loads of barrels with finished whisky ready to be taking away. Just then Ireland noticed in the other corner of the room was a pile of old artifacts and toys that Kirkland's had when they were young, nearly all of which was broken. There was a broken cine-camera which England had which broke when he was trying to catch footage of Scotland's pet monster Nessie, which ended up in a punch-up with Mr. big ego himself when they couldn't decide if they should make a film on the Loch Ness Monster. The camera was sitting on top of an old giant clockwork tank that Northern Ireland had once driven over Scotland and England with. There were many other things in that pile, but Ireland just didn't have the time to look at them and had to steal the whisky.

"_Ahh, so dis is de stuff..._" Ireland thought as she saw the small test tube of brownish-orange liquid. With one finally look to make sure the cost was clear, the sneaky woman poured the new whisky into her now empty bottle of cider.

Quickly placing the newly filled bottle back into her pocket and sneaked out of the basement and upstairs again. She had just made it just in time to as a tired Scotland limped back into the room after his hopeless quest for that damned leaf. "Foun' it at al' ye?" She said placing her hands on her hips.

"Ye Irish bastard!" Scotland snapped angrily, "cooldnae see it apart frae some dug shite aw ower th' garden!"

"Well yer weren't lookin' 'ard enoof den-"

"Gie th' fuck ay thes hoose!" And almost pushing Ireland out of the door sent her out of the house slamming the door in her face. However Ireland smiled with triumph. She had gotten what she wanted and started drinking the whisky. After the first mouthful though, she give a strong cough from the liquid.

"Damn di is gran' stuff," Ireland wheezed as she walked back to her dump of a home.

While it may have been her day at first, what she didn't know was that the whisky was still not corrected and later on made her very ill after drinking the whole bottle. And by the end of the day, Ireland became very sick and remained in bed for the rest of the week. And that was the last time Ireland stole anything from any of her family siblings.

Serves her right though.

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><p><strong>So there you are. Now we have all 5 family members shown and you'll be wanted I think to see them with the other countries, oh dear, what ever might happen? Well for the next chapter I'll give you a small preview to wet your appetite.<strong>

**Scotland is sending England out on a blind date, no you won't find any Yaoi in this chapter and no it ain't France etc. but someone that'll scare England senseless and we'll also find out what happens after he as sushi and why he should never have it, stay tune for next time!**


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